After a baby comes out of your body, it can feel scary to think about starting up your sex life again. You might worry if it will feel the same, both to you and your partner. You might worry about turning off the “parent” part of your brain temporarily and allowing the “lover” part to turn back on. You might be concerned about pain and discomfort.

Our midwife Megan Coppock has shared practical tips for easing back into your love life after having a baby.

Sex After Baby

by Megan Coppock, CPM, LDM

Let’s talk about sex baby….

I mean let’s talk about sex AFTER baby!!

When can we start?

6 weeks. That’s the standard line – the green light for re-engaging sexual activity after having a baby, right? Well… just like most things in life, this is not a one size fits all situation.

First of all, it’s your body, you are the first and foremost expert on when it feels appropriate to explore sexual activity again. And, for many of those who have given birth, it can feel a little overwhelming to think about starting that part of life up again. Not just physically, but there is a common feeling of being “over touched” or “touched out.” If you are breastfeeding and holding a baby for what feels like 21 out of 24 hours, a little more caressing can be enough to send you over the edge! But you’re likely also missing intimacy with your partner, so it’s a tricky balance.

Be honest, with yourself and your partner - open conversation is going to help you both feel more comfortable and will likely result in you both getting your needs met.

Clinically, it is important to wait until you have completely stopped bleeding before inserting anything into your vagina. The bleeding indicates that the internal wound where your baby's placenta was attached to your uterus is still healing. That internal open wound increases the risk of infection. It can be frustrating because sometimes you will not bleed for 3-5 days and then, usually after a busy day, ugh - more bright red bleeding! Most often bleeding completely stops between 4-6 weeks. One TOTAL week of no bleeding is a pretty clear indication that that internal wound is healed up.

What if I had stitches?

If you incurred any tissue damage, especially if any suturing was done, it is a good idea to have your midwife do a quick exam around 4-6 weeks to assess the healing. It is also fine for you to feel around gently with your fingers in the shower to make sure that there is no significant pain or discomfort. This can also help you to feel more comfortable with the idea of sex.

And, then, lube. Use it. If you are breastfeeding, chances are you won’t have the same natural lubrication that you may have been used to prior to giving birth. And go slow. It can sorta feel like you’re starting all over again – you’re not, but it may take a minute to get back to feeling “normal” in the bedroom.

Is breastfeeding a form of birth control?

Lastly, (although there is always WAY more to say about sex, isn’t there!?!?) there’s protection to consider for those in heterosexual partnerships. Although you will be less fertile if you are exclusively breastfeeding, it is NOT a sure fire guarantee. If you are wanting to avoid pregnancy for a while, plan to use some sort of protection (WHEN USED CORRECTLY - the pull out method is about 78% successful; condoms, 98%). You will ovulate before you get your first postpartum period, so your fertility will return before you have outward signs of. Often that ovulation coincides with a new found enthusiasm for sex! So enjoy, but do so wisely!

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